Monthly Archives: February 2012

Where do I see myself in the next leap year…

FEB 29. This is the the seventh time we are meeting. I don’t see you that often. It’s not your fault. All those glorified astrologers / astronomers / calendar makers / date setters couldn’t really figure out how long an actual year is so they came up with you.

Which brings me to the eternal question – ¬†How old is a person who is born on FEB 29? And when exactly should their birthday be celebrated when it’s not a leap year? Feb 28 or Mar 1?

Well, thank god I’m not one of them. But there is another question that I would like to ask myself. Where do I see myself in the next leap year, i.e. 2016 (keeping Mayan’s prophecy of doomsday aside and keeping the eternal hope of survival in our hearts alive).

  • I hope I will stop monologuing here and will have a decent number of followers for this blog
  • I hope I will become a creative director
  • I hope I will pursue my dream of film making OR going on a world tour OR having a girlfriend for that matter
  • I hope I’ll still have these strong shiny hair and not even a minute bald spot
  • I hope I will learn cooking; actual cooking not just making instant noodles and other survival food
  • I hope my Harley Davidson will be parked in my garage and not just in my dreams
  • I hope I’ll have a garage and a home attached to it
  • I hope I’ll have atleast two more tattoos
  • I hope that by the next leap year comes I’ll stop hoping and start having ūüôā
  • And finally, I hope I can be a better 29-year-old human being by the time the next FEB 29 comes around
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Trying to act like an aficionado…

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Before I even took the first sip I had to smell it, showing everyone around a new way to savour Kawha, a celebrated Kashmiri tea / beverage. All I could sense was that the tea had cinnamon, saffron and shredded almonds (I am guessing). Just took another sip, yes, it is shredded almond for sure. Or maybe I should google the ingredients later.
The charm of sitting in a premium tea shop is that you can take your own sweet time to finish your cup. Usually it takes me around 3 minutes 27 seconds to finish my cup of tea, but here I’ve been trying to sip it for more than 28 minutes.
Well I am not an authorised gourmet and I don’t host any wanderlust shows that come on NatGeo, but thanks to my tea-drinking experience of more than 20 years I can recommend this hot cup of Kawha to all my friends. ūüôā
(this blog is being written from ‘Passion my cup of tea’, PVR Priya, Vasant Lok, New Delhi.)

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Laugh Out Loud!

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because life is too stupid to be taken seriously,
because it is funny when someone slips on a banana peel,
because there are enough sitcoms on TV and internet,
because life IS all fun and games,
because as a kid you never had to find a reason to laugh,
because that’s how easy ‘being happy’ is,
because you have at least one hangover story to boast of,
because if you don’t have one you can create it, right now,
because it is one of the best ways to de-stress,
because people around you are characters,
because you can always find a friendly neighbourhood dog,
because statistics reveal that 88.7% people look better when they laugh,
because you can always make up stupid statistics,
because life isn’t going exactly how you planned yet you still make plans,
because you know in hindsight every experience is a good one,
because laughing your heart out is one of the simplest things to do,
because life is too stupid to be taken seriously.

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Where Captain America and Obi Wan Kenobi were posing together for their Facebook profile pic!


(When Dr. Bruce Banner is angry he turns into Hulk. When Hulk’s really angry he turns into me…)

The only place where the Hulk was green yet chillin, where superman could comfortably wear his red underwear over his tights, where Batman and Joker were together ogling ¬†at Poison Ivy’s ass, where the Jedi light saber was actually made of a blue fluorescent tube light. This was every geek’s final fantasy, this is where all the nerds feel at home, this was the congregation of ¬†comic lovers, addicted gamers, dweebs who are yelled at by their parents everyday to switch off their XBoxes and go to sleep, this was the gathering of the people who refuse to grow up, who are still clinging on to their childhood dreams of living a fantasy, This was COMIC CON 2012, DELHI.

      

So, the event was held in Delhi Haat, an established cultural centre in the capital. It was my first comic con, so I decided to go as the character that I’m really fond of – Myself. Nah…the real reason is I looked fat and ugly in the Wonder Woman costume and the plastic costume of Iron Man didn’t seem to justify the superpowers, and since it was a no-alcohol event I couldn’t carry rum and act drunk like Captain Jack Sparrow or let’s just say I was too lazy to do anything that’s why I’m finding excuses.

      

The Avengers stall was one of the most happening one. Especially the Thor hammer-throw game seemed pretty exciting. Later in the evening Iron Man came on the stage, the irony was (pun intended), the suit was so heavy and tough to carry, that people had to literally support him on the stage. Finally the Cosplay (short for costume play) results were out and the jedi with tube-light cum light saber won the trip to Disneyland Singapore.

Truly an amazing day filled with superheores, comics. stupidity, fun freebies, and hanging out with adults that are born with a childike imagination. Hmm… don’t have that many words to describe the day, than just one¬†INTERESTING!

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Dear Ray Ban,

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For 2100 bucks, at the age of 21, you were one of my first biggest investments. And since then both of us have come a long way. At that time, I just wanted to replicate the Tom-Cruise-Top-Gun look. With time, the looks kept changing but you were always there, you became more than just a fashion accessory. You became my buddy.

Soon I realized the true powers of your jet black slightly convex lenses, they made my eyes invisible.¬†They acted like a shield. With you, I had the powers of concealing my emotions. With a little bit of eye¬†and neck movement training I could checkout any girl, ogle at her, at length, and she would have no clue¬†what I was up to (sorry ladies, but that’s how 21-year-olds think).

By the time I was 23. I was on my own. Independent and Scared. Metropolitans are great, but initially they¬†are a little tough to get used to. Especially, when your eyes reflect innocence and naivety. They say –“Hi, I’m new here and you can easily exploit me.” Well, that’s what happens when your face has round edges,¬†when your hair are neatly combed to the left, and your eyes have a baby-like-curiosity. Then I took you out¬†of your brown case and wore you whenever I was out. And as they say looks can be deceiving, now I looked¬†mature, experienced and ready to take on the world, well that’s how bully autowallas, greedy shopkeepers,¬†my landlord and many others started perceiving me. Thank you for saving my ass!

Then you did me the biggest favour, when I really needed it, when time was really tough, when I was really alone. There were moments in my life when stopping my tears was not in my control and they came out without any prior notification. In front of strangers, in public transport, in markets, in office, anywhere and everywhere. Thanks to your two-inch-long frame it was easy to control those two inches of initial tears. And behind those dark glasses I could hide my black tears (metaphorical, of course).

Thank you for not making me look vulnerable when I really was. Thank you for making me invisible when I just didn’t¬†want¬†to be seen. Thank you for all those admiring glances I got from the fairer sex because of the tuff-guy image that you¬†gave me. Thank you for saving me from getting bullied. Thank you for saving my eyes from ultra violet rays, afterall that’s¬†what you were supposed to do, initially.

Thank You,
Shreyans

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How a 70 mm script fits perfectly into a 70-year-odd life!

Assuming that’s how much an average human life span would be…(you do get the idea don’t you)!

1. “I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse.”

Had to start with the ‘godfather of all movie dialogues’. Say it once and no matter what you propose after that, how cliche the suggestion might be, it’ll sound impressive. Suitable situations for this dialogue would be a job interview, getting rid of that scumbag who’s after your daughter and thinks he’s in love with her, resolving a feud between you and your neighbour about the common wall and legal issues that stop you from doing some illegal construction!

2. “You talkin to me?”

It had everything. Style, attitude and Robert De Niro in a bad ass role. Throughout my college life I have restated it numerous times. And I beg your pardon for being cocky, but I did it better than the original. Girls kinda get iffy and boys get intimidated if you say this with the right expression and tilted neck and slanted torso, just get your directions and body postures right. And you would be able to carry that ‘don’t mess with me’ look.

3. “Show me the money!”

C’mon, just imagine all the¬†possibilities¬†you can have with this one. ¬†I tell this to my boss on my payday (in my head of course).

4. “I’ll be back.”

I’ve overdone it. Yes, I have. But the magic in this dialogue is only when you you do it with a mechanical posture, ‘I can’t act cause I have robotic expressions’, and a fake Austrian accent. Try it. It’s not that tough. Another memorable one from the same series is “Hasta la vista, baby.”

5.¬†“You had me at ‘hello.'”

Well, we all were pleased to meet someone at some point of time in our lives. Think of it. This one might just perfectly describe it.

6. “I see dead people.”

Ok. Sorry for being dark here but you can say it either when you actually see a dead person Or when someone is so scared that they say something like “Man I’m so dead.” This one will surely make you sound spontaneous.

Some of my other favourites are – “You can’t handle the truth!” |¬†“Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” | “Bond. James Bond” | “A martini. Shaken, not stirred.”
Don’t really know where can I use them.

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25 years. 25 realizations.

Quarter of a century gone. Tomorrow I turn 25. Suddenly I feel old, but with old age comes good ‘ol wisdom.

Here are 25 things that I have learnt till now:

  1. Sometimes life looks a lot complicated, but it’s actually kinda simple…it’s is all about being happy.
  2. In a dog eat dog world, we all start as underdogs. It’s only your will that makes you the alpha dog. Till that time be ready to be treated like a bitch (I am not a dog lover but this is what happens when you watch way too many Hindi movies…).
  3. Knife in right hand, fork in left (it took me a lot of time to get it right, we Indians usually eat with our hands).
  4. Peanut butter sucks.
  5. Jalapeno gives me sour burps.
  6. It always pays to follow your dreams. If you are lucky like me, the payment becomes your paycheck.
  7. No matter how much you earn it’ll always look like peanuts.
  8. Beyond a point, talent dosen’t matter. Right attitude is the best talent one can have or develop over a period of time.
  9. Experiment. Experiment. Experiment.
  10. Choose a role model. If you can’t, choose yourself.
  11. When you drive rashly to impress, nobody notices. When you bump into a tree, nobody misses it.
  12. Books are your best friend. Movies are your girlfriends.
  13. Sports make you fit. Games make you fat.
  14. When you have to open a lock with bunch of keys in your hand and you don’t know which is the right key. Don’t go hit and trial, just read the brand name of the lock and match it with the name embossed on the key.
  15. Opinions are overrated. Onions are overpriced.
  16. Not everything in life has to make sense.
  17. Black-coloured-clothes can give the illusion that you have lost weight overnight.
  18. The most important skill in life is understanding people OR is it being able to fix your own car…hmmm!
  19. If you are interesting you will always have friends. If you are too interesting for them, you will lose them.
  20. In the end it all evens out.
  21. “Life’s not fair. Get used to it.” – Donald Trump
  22. “You haven’t lost if you are still breathing.” – Shreyans Gupta
  23. Marriage is an institution. Where 95% of the people can’t score more than B-.
  24. Biscuits/cookies are a bachelor’s survival food.
  25. ūüôā ; Always, no matter what!
  26. Always go the extra mile even if it means giving your readers the 26th point when you promised 25.
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What you hear when you are a bad listener.

I have been told at least 1000 times that I am a bad listener.
And I agree.

I don’t think it’s entirely a bad thing though.
Here’s why:

  1. They tell me “it’s not possible”, “you are day dreaming”, “it’s too good to be true”, “get real”, “you can’t do it” and the last but certainly not the least, my favourite, “I told you so”. Being a bad listener helps in shunning all the negativity offered.
  2. I don’t play safe. I fail. I smile. I do it again. But I don’t regret.
  3. I could get my ears pierced though everyone thought it was a bad decision.
  4. Do you think it’s easy to keep more than 30 beard styles for people who are really good listeners?
  5. I don’t have to follow any new fashion / trend.
  6. I get to meet people who are bad listeners just like me.
  7. And I can hang out with them, no matter how many people tell me not to!
  8. I can do impulsive shopping.
  9. I can order a pizza with extra cheese (love it when they fill liquid cheese in the crust too!), large coke, garlic bread, again with cheese and to top it all a muffin with liquid chocolate inside. A sinfully appetizing diet, one of the many advantages of not feeding your head with diet-conscious comments.
  10. I can fall  in love, though they tell me it hurts (unfortunately they are right), but still, I can muster all the courage in the world to do it again.

So, a conclusion, not that it matters, cause they tell me, life, unlike fiction, is not supposed to make sense; but bad listeners like me don’t stop just because of that, do we? In my experience I have realised that when you stop listening to others you hear something majestic, something surreal, something that’s customised for you and something that pushes you to the right path, something that tells you not to listen to anything else. That inner voice is the only thing a bad listener like me would always listen to with all the undivided attention in the world.

P.S.: If you don’t agree with me or you feel any different then feel free to keep your mouth shut, because I am a bad listener!

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